dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
