It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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