OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm getting married
To pizza
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
