kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it glows. i had to have it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize