Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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