the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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