I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
