so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
