seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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