96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
