Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
