The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize