i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
