she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize