I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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