He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
