If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
