oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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