How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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