He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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