Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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