I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
