tell your sister to shave her snatch
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
