It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
