I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
