i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
