why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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