You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
