U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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