Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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