I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
porn star boner night. come get it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
