i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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