i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
