If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
