Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish you could order shots online.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
