I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize