You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
