I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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