So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
