i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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