Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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