sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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