Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
