girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
