dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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