Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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