and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
