I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize