The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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