sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
