I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
