that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
