Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She bit a glass in half.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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