I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
