this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
