God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
