Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
