Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
why do cheetos always look like penises
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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