so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
