Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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