I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
