So drunk its hurt
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
