I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
