I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
