life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
