I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
