That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
