I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
