There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize