I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just high enough for therapy.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
