you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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