whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I would ride that face into the sunset
how drunk are you?
Several
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
