it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize