I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
