If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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