Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
