my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
