No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize