You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
