I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
