so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
