I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
