...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize