i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
