I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
