If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
