I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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