Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
