he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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