guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
