New low: just hacked my moms facebook
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Someone signed my nipple.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize