you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
