how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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