thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize