I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Operation Purity has been aborted
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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