Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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