Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
