fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
