Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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