I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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