i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
