I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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