this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
