Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
whose ass print is on the piano?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
